by Matt Mattson
At Phired Up Productions, WE GROW GROUPS. We believe that organizations have the power to change the world, and if we help good, cause-based organizations grow, then we matter to the world. We teach group leaders the art and science of organizational growth.
What do you do?
Resource 1 (3 minutes):
Resource 2 (4 minutes):
by Matt Mattson
As a teacher of "Social Excellence ," a message filled with lessons about conversations, friendship, and human connections, I feel as though I should have something profound to say, as so many others seem to, after the terrible events in Connecticut last week. Perhaps about the cause being rooted in societal disconnection, or how one conversation perhaps could have prevented all of this.
I don’t have anything profound though. Truthfully I have no idea why this happened or what could have prevented it. I’m still personally speechless. As a father, as a human, I’m mourning and confused.
So, in lieu of some profound message, or really any lesson, let me make a recommendation (that I will personally try to follow). Hug someone in your life today. Tell the people around you that you love them — even if that’s not something you normally do. Say the words. Express the depth of your caring. Reach out and physically embrace someone.
In his speech at the memorial service yesterday, the President said something that touched me at my core, "There’s only one thing we can be sure of, and that is the love that we have for our children, for our families, for each other. The warmth of a small child’s embrace, that is true."
There is no deeper, more primal, more human way of connecting. Hug someone. It feels to me like the right thing to do at a time like this.
by KJ McNamara
Thanksgiving is coming right up which will quickly be followed by the warmth and excitement of Christmas and Hanukah. The New Year is around the corner with promise of new beginnings and fun to come. The excitement of the presidential elections is still fresh and exciting in everyone’s mind. There is no wonder that this is truly many American’s favorite time of year.
Here at Phired Up, we love this season because it is the season of giving. It is the time of year where we put our selves, our agenda and our needs second to give back and thank all of the wonderful people in our lives. This is the time where we dedicate ourselves to a greater purpose and a greater cause. This is the time where we dedicate ourselves to the purest form of Generosity.
Generosity is one of the 4 pillars of Social Excellence , (as many of you know). But very rarely do we examine this pillar alone and how much the pure idea of being generous can change the world and start a movement.
We love seeing all of your facebook posts about what you are truly thankful for, what a generous way to thank the people around you. This form of generosity is a movement all on its own.
There are a lot of other ways people change the world during this time of year with their generosity. They buy gifts for complete strangers and needy families. They write a check to their favorite charity. They volunteer at their local food bank. All of these are powerful gestures, but keep in mind that the spirit of generosity can be simple and not cost much time or money too… Social Excellence teaches generosity as a way to BUILD CONNECTIONS WITH PEOPLE. Give first — make someone’s day — and trust that there is no more powerful lubricant for relationships than pure generosity. Simple acts — small momentary choices — can be powerful this time of year. Check out these ideas:
Another pillar of Social Excellence is AUTHENTICITY. This pillar, among other things, reminds us that within each person lies an authentic self that is made from the good stuff of life, as well as the tough stuff of life. We never know what another person is going through — especially this time of year. We never know how giving of ourselves, of our precious time and energy can literally make their day, their week, or their life better.
Mother Teresa once said, “Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless.”
We hear so many people want to matter to this world. We hear professionals, students and mentors say over and over again that they deeply desire to make this world a better place. If you want to change to world… be kind, be nice, make people’s day better just because you were in it. Be generous. There is another quote by William J.H. Boetcker that says, “Your greatness is measured by your kindness.”
So we have a challenge for all of our best friends reading this. A dare. We dare you to be do three things each day that are purely GENEROUS. Make three people’s day. Whatever you choose, to do to accomplish that dare, WE WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT! Actually we want to see it! Send us a picture on Twitter (#BeThePerson #SocialExcellence). Upload a video toFacebook . We love seeing these videos they inspire us every day and we would be more then thrilled to see all of your faces doing the things that make us feel so warm and fuzzy!
It only takes one person to change the world… Are you going to be that one person who starts a movement of generosity? We will follow you, and so will so many others!
Ryan Addis is a recent alumnus of Grand Valley State University, and a member of a student organization we’ve been proud to support over the years. He shared an anecdote with us via Facebook message about applying Social Excellence to his new career that we just had to share. Here are his words:
"I’ve had some great success with social excellence I wanted to share. I’m working an armed security job in some rough neighborhoods in MI (Flint & Pontiac), and was tasked with trying to build rapport with residents in my patrol area who have some pretty poor views on security, police, and authority in general. By utilizing some techniques and ideas from Phired Up I’ve been able to build great respectful relationships with nearly all of the residents in my patrol zones. One shining example is a known gang member with a reputation for trouble. Word on the street was that the guard who patrolled before me caused a lot hardship for him, and his life was in danger. Naturally the thought of having a bounty on my head was unsettling, but I saw it as a challenge to be better than the rest. I eventually had the opportunity to strike up a conversation with "RayRay", and he surprisingly began to open up to me an incredible amount. In a very sneaky way I used fun zone/deep zone questions to break down the stereotype barriers and by the time the conversation had concluded I had learned all about his interests, passions, and even convinced/encouraged him to pursue his dreams of being an architect and going to school instead of continuing to commit crimes. This is just one of many examples but I have to tell you, I was proud of the outcome and my increasing social awareness/excellence. Over the course of a month at one site I have changed the views of many tenants about authority, and managed to create relationships with everyone through simple communication and caring. So thank you for teaching the idea of social excellence and equipping me with techniques to create such a positive impact on my environment."
by Matt Mattson
The definition of Social Excellence includes, "A desire to intentionally connect with others." and " The highest level of societal participation and contribution." Consider tomorrow (election day) a day for a special Social Excellence Dare:
We Dare You to knock on doors (no matter your party affiliation), and ask people to go vote with you. Offer rides, walk together, or take public transportation together. On the way, have an open, accepting, deep conversation about stuff that matters to you. Do not try to change their mind (it’s probably too late for that). Just learn something and make sure you get at least one other person to vote with you.
Four years ago I had a great time knocking on doors as a volunteer for one of the candidates. But you don’t have to be a volunteer with a campaign to engage with others and ask them, "Want to go vote together?"
There are very few other opportunities where it is truly socially acceptable to walk up to a stranger’s door and ask them to go do something really important. Take advantage of the opportunity to connect with others tomorrow. And most importantly, GO VOTE!
Want to know when/where to vote? Click here .
by Matt Mattson
Our daughters (1 and 4 years old) got this Berenstain Bears book that taught the age old mantra, "Don’t Talk to Strangers" a while ago. As a teacher of Social Excellence, and as someone who derides this piece of childhood advice as one of the root causes for the chronic epidemic of anti-social behavior among young adults (see pg. 84 of Social Excellence: We Dare You ), I was not thrilled with this fear-mongering book featuring Brother and Sister bear, and I refused to read it to the girls for several weeks. My daughters are very persuasive, however, with their little puppy dog eyes that they liberally deploy as a convincing weapon. Eventually I caved and begrudgingly added it to the pile of books we read together every day. You win some, you lose some.
I remain a very active encourager of social interaction between my daughters and all the nice "strangers" we pass by on any give day though. I gently nudge the eldest often with a "say hi to that nice man," and a "it’s nice to wave and share your smile with others." I want them to grow up to be confident young women who are able to easily engage anyone they encounter with social grace.
But then something terrible happened in our Colorado community. Jessica Ridgeway was murdered in a gruesome way. This happened in a nice, upscale suburb where my daughters’ Grandparents happen to live. Jessica was 10. She was walking a short distance to school in a very safe area.
To be vulnerable, this horrible event gave me serious pause. Obviously I grieve deeply for her family and those that love her, and can’t imagine myself in their shoes. A loss like that is unbearable and incomprehensible.
But it gave me pause in a different way too. Are the Berenstain Bears right? Should I be instilling my kids with a greater level of fear in the people they encounter every day? Should I lean heavily toward "Don’t talk to strangers" as a mantra for them to recite on their way out the door every morning?
Genuinely, I haven’t yet discovered the answer. This parenting stuff is not always a piece of cake. I’m guessing we’re not the only parents challenged by this conundrum. I’m sure the "right" answer is somewhere in between.
What I do know is that for us grown ups, the question of "Do I talk to that person or not?" is at the heart of our condition as social animals. Whether we engage with others determines so much about the richness of our lives, the depth of our insight into others’ experiences, and the potential we have to make an impact in our world.
As followers of our Social Excellence message know, we believe that HANDSHAKES CAN CHANGE THE WORLD. We believe that the distance between you and the change you wish to see in the world, is only a handshake away. We know that organizations change the world — that’s why we do what we do. We also know that handshakes lead to conversations, conversations lead to relationships, relationships lead to collaboration, collaboration leads to organizations, and as was mentioned, organizations change the world. This is at the heart of our Social Excellence message. So instilling any unnecessary level of social fear in a child could keep them from shaking a hand someday… and eventually prevent them from becoming the leader our world needs.
Perhaps that last line was a bit melodramatic — I’ll grant you that. But so is teaching kids to avoid and fear all strangers when kidnappings and crimes committed against children by people they don’t know are REALLY rare.
So the question remains for my family (and for many families).
But for us grown ups, we don’t need to carry around all that fear of strangers stuff anymore (or not as much). Particularly as we’re passing by co-workers, doing community service, sitting next to people on a plane, passing fellow students on campus, or walking through our neighborhoods. Your answer to the question, "Do I talk to that person or not?" will determine your human experience, your organization’s/cause’s success, and your potential to change the world. For us grown ups, our advice remains — BE MORE SOCIAL. DO TALK TO STRANGERS.
And when you see a little kid walking by… wave, smile, say hi, ask their parents a curious question, be generous, be authentic, and make their day — you might just be the "stranger" they remember as an example of Social Excellence for years to come. Counteract the terrible stuff in the world that floods people’s minds and creates social fears — shake more hands, give more smiles away, connect with more people on a Heart-to-Heart level. Our society has enough scary stuff in it — it needs to be balanced out with your Social Excellence.
by Matt Mattson
This post was on my Facebook Newsfeed yesterday, and it made me smile. Social Excellence DARES us to engage with not only the people around us, but also the society around us. A line in the definition of Social Excellence reads, "The deepest level of societal participation and contribution."
So, at this vital juncture in our time as Americans, will you choose to engage? Will you choose to talk to your neighbors, representatives, family members, classmates, co-workers, and friends about the future of our society?
If you’re new to engaging with people about the important topics of our time, try some of these questions (you’ll note that none of them are, "So, who are you voting for?")
This election feels important, what issues are most important to you?
If you were in charge of the country for a day, what impression would you want to leave?
Who are the political leaders that you really admire?
How can we get more people in our [neighborhood, school, workplace, club, etc.] to vote?
We know it can be a bit scary to talk to people during election season — with all the sharp tones, accusatory mailers, incessant political phone calls, and attack ads, the tone of public discourse is not exactly pleasant — but that’s why Social Excellence matters right now. Will you talk to the people in your life about THE FUTURE OF OUR NATION? Our nation requests your service in this regard. It is what we’re founded upon. Just do it in a Socially Excellent manner.
Go talk to people. It is your civic duty.
by Matt Mattson
I am an introvert . I don’t thrive off of large groups. Spending time alone gives me fuel. Quiet solitude is where I find some of life’s greatest joys. My natural tendency is to separate from the crowd… or at least seek a very small group of people to spend time with. I am an introvert.
Also, I am a professional speaker, trainer and coach. I work with large groups of people nearly every day for a living. I teach people social skills, I urge social engagement, and I co-authored a book on SOCIAL EXCELLENCE . My work requires extraordinary amounts of social interaction, and I love my work.
It seems like those two preceding paragraphs couldn’t both be true about the same person. I promise they are though. 100%. That’s me.
I’m reading a book about introverts title, "Quiet " by Susan Cain (see her TED Talk here, and read a recent NY Times editorial that she wrote here). I’ll reserve my review of this book for another time, but I will share that it really got me thinking that there are probably a lot of "introverts" who hear our message of Social Excellence and assume it’s not for them. "I’m just not a people person," they might think. "I do my best work alone," they might even say.
I would offer, however, that the way we interact socially with the people around us is a) a choice, and b) the determining factor in our level of influence on the world around us. While I might do my best work when I’m alone, I can’t share that work, those thoughts, those insights, with the outside world while I’m in my introverted bubble. No matter the life path, I must eventually engage socially for my work to mean anything. Are there exceptions to this? Probably. But most of us, if we want to change people’s minds, sell our wares, recruit new donors or members, influence others, or BE A LEADER, we must do so through other human beings . We are social animals living in a SOCIETY. Our interactions with each other are the conduit through which that society flows.
I might be an introvert, but I make a choice to be Socially Excellent. Do I take breaks, go quiet, disappear into the safety and warmth of alone time occasionally? Yep. And I’m proud of it. In fact, I would recommend that to everyone who values a little quiet space. But I also deeply understand that the more hands I choose to shake, conversations I choose to have, and relationships I choose to build, the greater my potential to learn from others, be exposed to new ideas and experiences, have more people to support me when I need them, and influence others.
I might be an introvert, but I also want to matter to the world when it’s all said and done. I know that the best way for me to do that, the best way for me to make a big impact, the best way for me to create the change I wish to see in the world is through my relationships with others.
Plus, once I started to choose Social Excellence as a lifestyle, I had better stories, more fun, and more success.
Yes, introverts can be Socially Excellent.
by Matt Mattson
Want to multiply your influence x 150 today?
Want to give yourself a 150% better chance to change minds?
Want to learn 150 x more about the world immediately?
Want to have a chance to fund raise from, sell to, learn about, or recruit 150% more people into your group right now?!
Well, here’s the secret. Here’s how it is done. Here’s how you, yes YOU, can multiply your influence x 150 (or more) right now!
Shake one hand. Have a conversation. Build a relationship. With one person… Just one will do it.
See, for every hand you shake that turns into a relationship, your level of influence is multiplied by around 150!
Dr. Robin Dunbar has done research for at least 20 years on the size of social networks. His research has suggested that the upper limit of close relationships someone can have is around 150 . This is called "Dunbar’s Number." While that mostly refers to the maximum number of close friends one can likely have, our suggestion is that a person’s circle of influence goes beyond their closest friends. In fact, in today’s digitally connected world, we have much wider circles of influence than ever before since so many of us broadcast to an audience of followers (Twitter) and friends (Facebook) amongst others.
In fact, your average friend on Facebook probably has around 359 "friends" according to this article from BBC News (that article also contains this fascinating little tidbit that encourages Social Excellence , "A study of 10,000 US students over a period of 35 years suggests the wealthiest people are those that had the most friends at school. Each extra school friend added 2% to the salar y").
For our college student readers, because of your proximity to one another, and the likelihood that if you’re reading our blog you’re connected to organized student groups who all congregate and interact with one another, it is likely that your social multiplier is even higher.
Here’s the point: Every time you choose to shake a hand, have a conversation, build a relationship (be Socially Excellent), you are expanding your potential circle of influence by a factor of nearly 150! That stranger walking by isn’t just one stranger — that’s 150 people that you could be connected with, that you could influence, that you could recruit, that you could learn from, that you could gather together around your cause.
So, choose to shake some hands today…
by Matt Mattson
I have an idea that could change the world. Now I need people to help me make it real. How do I grow my group?
I have this small group of thoughtful committed citizens who really care about something. But we need more of us. How do I grow my group?
I meet regularly with some people who have similar experiences to mine — and it helps us all heal. We know there are more people like us. How do I grow my group?
I have found some people on Twitter and Facebook who agree with me about an issue. I think we could really make a difference if we had more support. How do I grow my group?
I’ve found a few people who are willing to donate to our cause. We need more though. How do I grow my group?
I’m a part of this really cool club of really cool people. We only want the best. How do I grow my group?
OMG, I’m a huge fan of this super special superstar. I’m sure others will be too. How do I grow my group?
An injustice is being done. I know I’m not the only one who thinks so. If I gather others together we can stop it. How do I grow my group?
This is why we exist. This is why we created Social Excellence and Dynamic Recruitment . We grow groups. Our PURPOSE is to help PEOPLE achieve their PURPOSE by gathering more PURPOSE-driven PEOPLE around them. People + Purpose = Organization. Organizations change the world.
